"Asking someone out"

There's a guy I talk to online about making programs and web design, and I asked him what he thought of my last blog entry. He was like "this is great stuff! You should put it on digg or something." He's in high school, and he said he could have really used it, because he wants to ask out this girl.

That made me realize I have much more good advice than I put in that article, and I want to share it. And yeah, I confidently say my advice is good here. It's advice to any guy who wants to ask out that girl he likes.

• First of all, have the horse before the cart: you have to get her attracted to you at least a little bit before asking her out. Otherwise, she will not say yes.
• If you are assured you'll run into this girl several times -- in his case it's definitely true since she is in his high school -- I suggest talking to her one or two times without displaying any intention of asking her out, but just having nice, relaxing conversations with her.
• When you are done seeing her a third time, you can say "hey it's cool talking to you, want to hang out sometime?" or something like that.
• It is much better to do this than to immediately ask the girl out, for several reasons:

1. You allow her to get to know you and decide she's comfortable with you. If you just asked her out the very first time she'd have very little to go on. Unless she really liked you already, she would be a bit hesitant to take that "risk" of committing more time to you.
   
2. This way, you've already established that you don't need to hook up with her. And people respond better when you don't need something from them, but are just suggesting something or extending an invitation. Because if you need something from them, they are placed in a position of responsibility to address your needs, and no one wants that in a potential mate or friend.
   
3. If she likes you too, it sets up a bit of challenge and anticipation for her, and may get her wishing you did ask her out. So when you finally do it, it'll be much more welcome than if you had proposed something you wanted much more than her at the time.

Of course, this only works if you are assured you will see the girl again. If you like a girl but you aren't sure if you will meet again in the near future, then you have to either 1) ask for her contact information or email right there, or 2) take a risk and hope to see her again. In this case, it isn't clear to me that #2 is better, because, besides the risk, you are also risking that she will meet someone else by the next time you meet.

Still, I want to point out that I think it's absolutely great to meet attractive, interesting people of the opposite sex for reasons other than dating them. It is awesome to have attractive, interesting female friends. So 1) Don't obsess about dating, and 2) Know that there are many more ways of being attractive besides physically attractive, this is true for women as well as men. Have fun.

(Not really true, but funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHSkFlgBt10)